I have come so far in the last decade, the details that dredge up when I look back are a bit foggy now. How did I get here? How did I become the person I am today from the naive girl who chased all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons?
I’m still that girl; I’ve just learned to decipher the wrongness of things usually a little ahead of time to protect myself from head-on collisions.
I still eat my feelings. I still often give up, bury myself under the covers and, let time and life pass me by.
I still don’t know what I really truly want from life. I am, however, more aware of what gives me energy and what sucks it away.
I’ve learned the varying degrees of love, compassion, empathy, and patience I am capable of and how vacillating that spectrum truly is.
I have been able to capture moments in time when I felt exhilarated but I haven’t been able to put all the pieces together to create a coherent picture of what truly inspires me.
The past decade has brought me love, tears, laughs, belly rolls, successes, failures, strengths, new weaknesses and so many varied types of people.
I’ve been ghosted and I’ve found true love.
I’ve fought to keep my head above the water and I’ve cruised through waves upon waves of monotony.
I’ve created visions and narratives for myself and I’ve seen those images be shattered and rebuilt over and over again.
I’ve learned to be my keeper and also that it’s okay be vulnerable.
I’ve been taught kindness and hatred often from the same people.
I’ve built and burned bridges. I’ve let go of so many regrets.
I’ve accomplished goals and wondered what comes next as you stand on the finish line. If what’s ahead is what’s truly the path forward for me.
Everything that I have seen, learned, experienced and lived through has given me a new perspective on love, life, God and the Universe.
So as I close this decade, I bid it fondly adieu. Here’s to memories, growth, potential and great expectations.